RSD, ADHD and Men: Why Rejection Hits So Hard (and What Actually Helps)
- Alan Stokes
- Jan 20
- 5 min read
If you’re a man with ADHD, there’s a good chance you’ve felt this before:
Someone criticises you — or you think they have — and your chest tightens. Your head fills with noise.
You replay the moment over and over. Anger, shame, or self-doubt kicks in fast.
Outwardly, you might stay quiet or brush it off. Inwardly, it feels like you’ve been punched.
This experience is commonly linked to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) — and for many men, it’s one of the least talked about and most misunderstood parts of ADHD.
At MoMENtum Men’s Group, we hear men describe it like this:
“I lose my head over small things.”
“Criticism sticks with me for days.”
“I either shut down or snap.”
“I avoid situations because I can’t handle how bad it feels.”
This article is written for men, in plain language, without therapy fluff — to explain what RSD is, why it affects men so strongly, and what actually helps.
What Is RSD — in Real Terms?
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is not an official diagnosis, but it’s a widely recognised pattern among people with ADHD.
In simple terms, RSD means:
Your emotional reaction to rejection or criticism is fast, intense, and overwhelming
The pain feels out of proportion, but still very real
Your body reacts as if there’s genuine danger
This isn’t about being “too sensitive”. It’s about how your brain and nervous system respond.
Why RSD Can Be Brutal for Men
Men are often taught:
Don’t complain
Don’t overreact
Don’t take things personally
Just get on with it
So when RSD hits, men tend to internalise it rather than talk about it.
Instead of saying “that hurt”, it often comes out as:
Anger
Withdrawal
Sarcasm
Avoidance
Overworking
Numbing out with alcohol, screens, or isolation
Many men don’t even realise RSD is what’s happening. They just think:
“There’s something wrong with me.”
The ADHD Link: Why Emotions Hit Like a Switch
ADHD isn’t just about focus. It also affects:
Emotional regulation
Impulse control
How quickly emotions spike
How long they last
With ADHD:
Emotions arrive before logic
Your nervous system reacts first
Thinking catches up later — if at all
Add years of criticism, misunderstanding, or feeling like you’ve “messed up”, and rejection starts to feel dangerous, not just uncomfortable.
That’s RSD.
How RSD Shows Up in Men’s Lives
RSD doesn’t always look emotional on the surface.
In men, it often shows up as:
At work
Overreacting internally to feedback
Avoiding promotions or responsibility
Reading emails multiple times, assuming the worst
Feeling exposed or incompetent despite doing well
In relationships
Taking neutral comments as personal attacks
Withdrawing instead of explaining
Fear of being “too much”
Explosive reactions followed by guilt
Socially
Avoiding groups or new situations
Feeling on edge around other men
Assuming you’re not wanted
Staying home rather than risking rejection
Over time, this can shrink a man’s world.
Why “Just Toughen Up” Doesn’t Work
RSD is not a mindset problem.It’s a nervous system problem.
You can’t logic your way out of an emotional response that’s already flooded your system.
What does help is learning how to:
Recognise what’s happening
Regulate first
Respond later
What Actually Helps Men Manage RSD
1. Name It — Without Judging It
The moment you can say:
“This feels like RSD kicking in”
…you create space.
You stop assuming the feeling is the truth.
That pause matters.
2. Regulate the Body Before the Mind
When RSD hits, your body is already activated.
Practical regulation helps:
Walking
Lifting something heavy
Cold water on the face
Slow breathing
Getting outside
This isn’t weakness — it’s physiology.
3. Stop Treating Feelings as Facts
RSD tells convincing stories:
“They don’t respect me”
“I’ve messed it up”
“I’m not good enough”
Ask:
What evidence do I actually have?
What else could be true?
How would I see this if I wasn’t activated?
You’re not dismissing the feeling — you’re checking the story.
4. Reduce Over-Explaining and People-Pleasing
Many men with RSD:
Apologise too much
Over-justify
Try to manage everyone else’s reactions
Learning to hold your ground calmly is a skill — and it can be learned.
5. Get Around Other Men Who Get It
RSD feeds on isolation.
When you realise:
Other men feel this too
You’re not broken
You’re not alone in it
…the intensity drops.
This is why connection is preventative mental health, not a luxury.
Where MoMENtum Fits In
MoMENtum isn’t therapy.It’s not about sitting in a circle and opening up on demand.
It’s about:
Doing things alongside other men
Letting conversation happen naturally
Feeling normal again
Belonging without performance
For many men, this kind of environment is the first step toward:
Feeling less on edge
Trusting themselves more
Eventually talking — when they’re ready
When Extra Support Helps
Some men also benefit from counselling — especially when RSD has:
Led to anxiety or depression
Damaged relationships
Affected work or confidence
Been there for years
Counselling isn’t about changing who you are.It’s about learning how your system works — and how to work with it, not against it.
FAQs
Is RSD just an excuse for bad reactions?No. RSD explains the intensity of the reaction — responsibility still matters, but understanding comes first.
Does RSD mean I’m emotionally weak?No. Many men with RSD are highly driven, capable, and resilient. This is about sensitivity, not strength.
Do I need an ADHD diagnosis to experience RSD?No. It’s common in ADHD, but can also show up with anxiety, trauma, or long-term criticism.
A Final Word for Men Reading This
If this article hit a nerve, that’s not accidental.
You’re not overreacting.You’re not failing.You’re not the only one dealing with this.
RSD doesn’t mean you’re broken.It means your system learned to protect you — and now it needs updating.
Connection helps.Understanding helps.You don’t have to carry this on your own.
Author Bio
Alan Stokes is the founder of MoMENtum, a men’s connection and wellbeing community focused on reducing isolation and helping men build meaningful friendships, confidence, and purpose.
With a background in counselling, mental health, and group facilitation, Alan works closely with men who feel disconnected, stuck, or unsure where they fit—particularly those navigating loneliness, life transitions, identity shifts, and emotional pressure in modern life.
Alan believes men don’t need fixing—they need connection, practical support, and spaces where real conversations are normal. Through MoMENtum, he brings men together through activity-based meetups, shared experiences, and honest dialogue that feels natural rather than forced.
His writing blends professional insight with real-world experience, offering clear, practical guidance without jargon or judgement. Above all, Alan is passionate about helping men realise they are not alone—and that taking action, even small steps, can change everything.
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